Happy, Happy! Joy, Joy!!

Happiness is a choice.  Happiness is an attitude.  Happiness is always an option.  Yet, when given a choice to actually be happy, we often find a reason, or two, not to choose happiness.  Sounds a little absurd when you read it in black and white, doesn’t it?  Who wouldn’t pick being happy over being sad, angry, bored or indifferent?  Yet, we often defer happiness, believing that outside influences are what will make us happy, eventually, “As soon as I get the new job, lose 10 pounds, move across country, then I’ll be happy.”  But happiness isn’t a box you can check off on your list.  And as we all know, you can’t buy happiness!  Yet we do try.

For some of us happiness is a natural state of being.  We all know someone with a ready smile and contagious good spirits.  They never seem to be in foul humor or a bad mood, no matter the circumstances. We feel better in their presence. They uplift us and lighten our own mood. While no one is always happy, it does seem that some people spend more time up than they do down.

Consciously, or not, every day we make a choice regarding our own level of happiness. 

Happiness and joy are an energy.  It is a state of being.  And in our lower energy of sadness, anger or rotten temper, we want what they’re having!  Yet, we grumble about our jobs, complain about our spouses, gripe about our bank accounts, whine about our health, bemoan our lack of [fill in the blank]. It’s easy to cultivate a habit of negativity.  It, too, is a choice.

What we focus our attention upon, by our words, thoughts or actions, we cultivate and create in our lives. 

Happiness is a habit that can be cultivated with a little effort.  Joy is a muscle that can be made stronger with attention and use.  And the more happiness incorporated into your life, the better you will feel in your own presence.  You become that person – the one with contagious good humor.

Want to heal your inner curmudgeon?  Here are ten of my favorite steps you can take towards increasing your happiness today.

1)      Watch your words. Words have power because they carry energy, and if you want happiness, your words must start to reflect that.  Complaining, kvetching and hate-filled words do not a state of happiness make.  Your thoughts, your comments, your texts and Facebook posts – all are filled with words. Pay attention and choose wisely. For more about the power of your words, read HERE.

 2)      Rediscover child’s play. Be silly.  Sing at the top of your lungs to your hairbrush and dance around the living room to that song.  Build a fort out of the couch cushions.  Make chalk drawings on the sidewalk. Frolic in the sprinklers. Make snow angels in the grass, sand, snow or carpet.  Child’s play is very important to our well-being, as adulting can really be a drag at times.  Remember what used to make you happy as a kid?  Do it now!

3)      Stop comparing your life to anyone else’s. You know the adage regarding envy of someone else’s life?  Spend one day in their shoes, and you’d chose your own!  The grass is always greener is a myth because comparisons are rarely based in fact. You have your own journey, everyone else’s is none of your business.

4)      Be of service.  A funny thing happens when we focus on being of service to others, we forget ourselves.  Truly being of service means no expectation of something in return, otherwise that’s a deal, not service.  It makes us feel good when we give of ourselves and that, in turn, makes us happy.

 5)      Stop future (and past) tripping.  We spend so much time worrying about tomorrow, or regretting yesterday, that we miss the gifts that today brings.  I believe that worrying about tomorrow is a lack of faith, it’s fear.  You cannot be in faith and fear at the same time.  The same could be said of spending too much time in the past.  If we regret or are disappointed in our past, we miss the lessons our soul chose to give us.  And if we postpone happiness until some external future event, “I’ll be happy when I get a promotion, the bigger house, my new love…” we rob today of its joy. And allowing our focus to be on today brings me to my next point.

 6)      Appreciate beauty with all our senses.  Yes, smell the roses!  Wake up early and see the sunrise. It won’t be repeated tomorrow.  In case you haven’t been paying attention, nature puts on quite a show. It will make your heart sing when you notice the beauty that surrounds us.  

7)      Smile.  Say Cheese!  Try it now, lift the corners of your mouth and smile.  Not an eye-roll sarcastic toothy grimace, just relax into a comfortable smile.  And relax you it does.  Laughing is extra credit.  And speaking of laughter, sometimes you simply must…

 8)      Find humor in the absurd.  At one point in my life, this statement was one of my new year’s resolutions.  My life was bordering on the ridiculous, it was absurd.  And I could laugh, or I could cry.  Since I probably wouldn’t have stopped crying, I chose to laugh.  It drained the negativity, and the power I gave to my circumstances, immediately.  We all have a little absurd in our lives, some of us more than others.  Can you view it with a healthy dose of humor?

 9)      Practice ultimate self-care.  Nothing robs joy from your life quicker than playing the martyr.  Do you need a time out?  Take one!  Do you need to ask for help?  Do so, before you assume victimhood!  No one is going to gift you what you need if you do not give it to yourself first.

 10)   Have gratitude!  The best prayer ever is two simple words: “Thank you!” Look around at your life and take a moment – everyone has something to be grateful for today. I kept a gratitude journal for several years, and some days I was just grateful the day was over and tomorrow was a chance to start anew.  But as my gratitude practice grew, and I began to focus on the bigger picture, a funny thing happened: what I focused on blossomed.  My problems didn’t magically go away overnight, but they seemed less burdensome.  And focusing on the good in my life began to show me that joy is indeed there, and it was up to me to give it a larger voice in my life.

Let’s play a game! Can you go one whole day without complaining? About anything, big or small? Not about your family, your work family, your current state-of-affairs, or the weather. When you catch yourself whining about something, either in your head or aloud, catch yourself gently. Laugh at the foibles which are yours, “Oh look, I’m complaining about my coffee” and let it go. And there may be bigger issues worthy of complaint that arise. You don’t have to be Pollyanna, but can you look at the complaint-worthy issues differently? There is a lesson in everything, like it or not. Can you see the gift hidden in the manure? It’s there, I promise. 

Wishing you all much happiness and joy!