Ultimate Self-Care
Self-care is the new buzz. Feeling a little put-upon? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? We’ve all heard the analogies: “Put your oxygen mask on first before attempting to help others.” Or, “How can you drink from an empty cup?” Self-care is the answer! But inwardly we balk. Self-care seems, well frankly, selfish. I’ll admit, in our self-indulgent society it can be. However, there is nothing self-indulgent about ultimate self-care. Ultimate self-care is much more than taking time out of your schedule for a mani-pedi, or a massage (which are lovely, do not get me wrong). Ultimate self-care lovingly feeds your body, enriches and honors your mind as well as nourishes your soul. It’s the foundation to good health and well-being. Ultimate self-care is essential to be able to fully love and care for another, because ultimate self-care is synonymous with self-love. Self-love is where unconditional love begins, for only when we truly love and care for ourselves will we be able to share that with another soul unconditionally. So, you see, there is nothing selfish about ultimate self-care.
Self-indulgence vs. Self-care. In my opinion, we have allowed ourselves far too much self-indulgence. Self-indulgence is self-destructive. Think about it – how do we indulge ourselves? We eat things we know we shouldn’t; we buy something we don’t really need, we numb ourselves with alcohol or drugs; we binge watch TV or read gossip magazines; we over-sleep or under-sleep; and we enter relationships with completely inappropriate people, all the while telling ourselves, “I deserve this!” We are not listening, much less honoring, what our inner guidance is telling us; in fact, we are completing denying ourselves what we deserve, and then are surprised when our little indulgence doesn’t make us feel better. Indulgence is not a bad thing, in and of itself. It’s when we use indulgence to deaden our true needs and feelings that it becomes problematic.
Self-Care = Self-Love. Bottom line: Ultimate self-care is self-love. I define ultimate self-care as choosing to truly love ourselves, unconditionally, as is. Finding gratitude for our life, as is. Loving our body as is. Self-care is nourishing our bodies with real food, clean water and sleep to thrive. It’s learning to look within ourselves rather than seeking outside – for fulfillment, validation, love and compassion. Self-care is taking time to calm the mind, learning to listen to our still, quiet voice that can only be heard in the calm; and acknowledging and acting upon that guidance. And self-care is developing a spiritual practice that brings grace into our lives.
First step into ultimate self-care is taking the time to ask yourself, every day, what do I need today? Is it a hug? To connect with my loved ones? Or make love? Maybe it’s time to stop and cuddle with the cat or play with the dog? Do I need exercise? Perhaps to get outside and reconnect with nature and hopefully gain a fresh perspective in the fresh air? Shall I tidy up, clear away clutter – from my mind and kitchen table? Maybe it is to create a delicious meal made with love, even if the table is set for one? Or simply, catch my breath – to breathe. Ask yourself this question: What do I need now, in this moment?
First time I did this exercise, and asked myself what I needed, I came up with a list of things I wanted. And oh, how I wanted: Chocolate! Wine!! A back rub!!! And as wants go, they were relatively harmless. But like peeling an onion, layer by layer, stripping away the layers of wants, you will discover the need at the heart of the matter, begging for your attention. Therein lies the nugget of self-care that will nurture you and feed your soul.
Start small. Don’t over think it, feel the answer and then do it. And while you’re at it, go ahead and indulge yourself in a few harmless wants but only after you understand and nourish the need underneath it.
